You’ve got to be joking.
I can’t call you that.
How could a pretty girl have such an ugly name?
No, what is it really?
That can’t be legal.
I don’t believe you.
Let me see your ID.
Get out of here.
Stop putting me on.
You’re pulling my leg.
Yeah, and I’m Caribou.
Did you used to be fat?
What kind of mother does that?
You poor thing.
Were your parents stoned on weed?
That’s no kind of name.
Well, I’m going to call you Brandy.
These are 20 things said about my name
from the Sandras to the Kevins to the Bobs to the Janes.
Yet somehow I think if it were them hearing that from me
they’d think I was a real asshole.