Superman died today after suffering years of global warming. He was 80.
Born Kal-El on the planet Krypton, Superman was sent to Earth as an infant by his parents Jor-El and Lara-El moments before Krypton's destruction.
Raised under the name Clark Kent in Kansas by Jonathan and Martha Kent, Superman was a shy and soft-spoken boy with a knack for kicking footballs across the state.
Upon graduation Superman moved to Metropolis and started a career in journalism. It was while working for the Daily Planet that he met Lois Lane.
"I remember the first day I met Clark," Lane recalls. "Boy, was I thick? I still can't believe I didn't know he was Superman. Some reporter I am."
Lane and Superman married in 1996 despite rumors that he had never gotten over his high school sweetheart, Lana Lang.
Superman kept his identity secret for many years to protect those he loved, but eventually the world found out who he was.
“He couldn’t keep it a secret forever,” said pal, Jimmy Olsen. “He was too involved for people not to notice.”
Superman is most famous for fighting crime, saving our planet, and forming the Justice League of America, endeavors that brought him worldwide attention.
Superman was responsible for thwarting many complex schemes created by some of the most evil criminal minds of our time. General Zod, Brainiac, Darkseid, and possibly the most well-known nemesis Lex Luthor all took turns trying to defeat Superman, but it was Doomsday, a dime store hood luckier than he was smart, who actually killed Superman in 1993 after an extensive battle that left Metropolis in ruins.
“It was a mother of a fight,” says Wonder Woman. “He just wouldn’t quit. It wasn’t in his nature.”
Even in death Superman didn’t quit. He resurrected himself less than a year after the Doomsday battle, and resumed his planet saving and crime fighting activities.
Superman’s powers included superhuman strength, speed, vision, intelligence, and hearing. He also had freezing breath as well as the ability to fly and regenerate.
In recent years, Superman’s health had begun to deteriorate. A spokesperson for Superman released a statement verifying that Superman had been suffering the effects of global warming.
“After years of exposure to the sun and eating mercury-laden fish, Superman finally met his match,” said spokesperson, Jerry Siegel.
He was found in the penthouse suite at the Beverly Wilshire hotel, melted from the waist up.
“He never used sunscreen,” Lane verified. “Even when he was circling the earth. He was the Man of Steel. He thought he was immune. I wish I had a time machine. I would've nagged him about it more.”
For years villains around the world had been trying to kill Superman. Little did they know Kryptonite was no match for Mother Nature.
“Had I known global warming would kill him I would've use it years ago,” said Lex Luthor from his cell in Shawshank. “I’m actually quite sad. When I bust out of here, he won’t be there to stop my shenanigans. Kind of takes some of the fun out of it.”
Superman will be missed, and many are left questioning the fate of our planet.
“He was always there,” says Joe Citizen. “Whether to stop meteors, falling buildings, or to crush the bad guys. Who’s gonna save us now?”
Superman’s funeral is reserved for friends and family members. A public service is scheduled for Wednesday at 4 pm at the Daily Planet in Metropolis.
Born Kal-El on the planet Krypton, Superman was sent to Earth as an infant by his parents Jor-El and Lara-El moments before Krypton's destruction.
Raised under the name Clark Kent in Kansas by Jonathan and Martha Kent, Superman was a shy and soft-spoken boy with a knack for kicking footballs across the state.
Upon graduation Superman moved to Metropolis and started a career in journalism. It was while working for the Daily Planet that he met Lois Lane.
"I remember the first day I met Clark," Lane recalls. "Boy, was I thick? I still can't believe I didn't know he was Superman. Some reporter I am."
Lane and Superman married in 1996 despite rumors that he had never gotten over his high school sweetheart, Lana Lang.
Superman kept his identity secret for many years to protect those he loved, but eventually the world found out who he was.
“He couldn’t keep it a secret forever,” said pal, Jimmy Olsen. “He was too involved for people not to notice.”
Superman is most famous for fighting crime, saving our planet, and forming the Justice League of America, endeavors that brought him worldwide attention.
Superman was responsible for thwarting many complex schemes created by some of the most evil criminal minds of our time. General Zod, Brainiac, Darkseid, and possibly the most well-known nemesis Lex Luthor all took turns trying to defeat Superman, but it was Doomsday, a dime store hood luckier than he was smart, who actually killed Superman in 1993 after an extensive battle that left Metropolis in ruins.
“It was a mother of a fight,” says Wonder Woman. “He just wouldn’t quit. It wasn’t in his nature.”
Even in death Superman didn’t quit. He resurrected himself less than a year after the Doomsday battle, and resumed his planet saving and crime fighting activities.
Superman’s powers included superhuman strength, speed, vision, intelligence, and hearing. He also had freezing breath as well as the ability to fly and regenerate.
In recent years, Superman’s health had begun to deteriorate. A spokesperson for Superman released a statement verifying that Superman had been suffering the effects of global warming.
“After years of exposure to the sun and eating mercury-laden fish, Superman finally met his match,” said spokesperson, Jerry Siegel.
He was found in the penthouse suite at the Beverly Wilshire hotel, melted from the waist up.
“He never used sunscreen,” Lane verified. “Even when he was circling the earth. He was the Man of Steel. He thought he was immune. I wish I had a time machine. I would've nagged him about it more.”
For years villains around the world had been trying to kill Superman. Little did they know Kryptonite was no match for Mother Nature.
“Had I known global warming would kill him I would've use it years ago,” said Lex Luthor from his cell in Shawshank. “I’m actually quite sad. When I bust out of here, he won’t be there to stop my shenanigans. Kind of takes some of the fun out of it.”
Superman will be missed, and many are left questioning the fate of our planet.
“He was always there,” says Joe Citizen. “Whether to stop meteors, falling buildings, or to crush the bad guys. Who’s gonna save us now?”
Superman’s funeral is reserved for friends and family members. A public service is scheduled for Wednesday at 4 pm at the Daily Planet in Metropolis.