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The Mayor Wins Re-Election

11/6/2012

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The Mayor casts her vote at the polls Tuesday. Photo by Paul Volunteer.

After a tightly-run campaign, the former mayor of Mooseville is now the new mayor of Mooseville.

"Mini Moose ran a great campaign," the Mayor said. "I tip my hat to her, but I'm relieved the great people of Mooseville trust me with another term."

Mini Moose lead the polls early in the day, but as more voters cast their vote, the tides slowly turned in the Mayor's favor.

Once all the ballots had been counted, the Mayor wound up with 71% of the vote, with Mini Moose only garnering 29%.

Though Mini Moose ran a respectable, and tight-lipped, campaign it wasn't enough to upset the incumbent. In the end, Mini Moose gave a nod as her concession speech and then returned to the privacy of her hotel room.

"I know there are Mini Moose supporters who are a bit disgruntled right now," the Mayor said. "One of my priorities is to build up those relationships. We've got to work across the aisle for the good of Mooseville."

When asked about her plans for working across the aisle during her next term, the Mayor was reluctant to discuss.

"Right now I'm going to celebrate with my friends, family, and supporters. Ask me about that after I've had a drink."
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Election Day 2012

11/6/2012

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Today is election day. All citizens are encouraged to vote.

Voting Booths are open from 7 am - 7 pm (MST). There will be no charge for public transportation during that time so Moosevillians can have access to a ballot no matter where they are in town.

If you haven't done so, please take a few moments to exercise your right to vote for the next mayor of Mooseville.

Mayoral Election Ballot

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Suspicious Voter Activity

11/6/2012

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Underage voter, Ian Asent slips past volunteers to cast his vote.
Despite tight voter ID requirements during this election, some polling places didn't seem as strict about regulations.

"I swear I saw children voting," said Sori Loser. "It's not right. Kids should stick to violent video games and R-rated movies. They have no business voting. They're not mature enough."

With 18 being the legal age to vote, underage residents were left out in the cold this election season.

"I just wanted to feed the ballot into the machine," said 12 year-old, Ian Asent. "I didn't actually vote."

For now, the law prohibits underage voters from participating in the voting process but some say that should change.

"Why can't they vote?" asked Libby Asent, Ian's mother. "I'm trying to establish some pride about our right to vote, but then I got some sour face busybody trying to get up in my business."

Maybe one day all citizens will have a vote no matter their age, race, gender, or religion. For now the voting age stays put at 18, which means for children wanting to vote, like most things, they'll have to wait until they're older.
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The Mayoral Race Heats Up

10/24/2012

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The Mayor

Mini Moose

As Moosevillians head to the polls next month for the mayoral election, many are still undecided about who they will vote for.

"The Mayor's done a lot of things for Mooseville," said Edgar Flügenhärgen, mechanic for Mooseville Auto Imports. "But I haven't agreed with everything that's happened over the past few years. Not by a long shot."

For the first time in Mooseville history, an opposition candidate has entered the race.

Since her inception in Mooseville Laboratories, Mini Moose has caused a stir in the Mayor's office, and now with a strong grass roots following, is vying for the Mayor's job.

"I like her style," said Imma Posed, Campaign Manager for Mini Moose. "She's always got a smile, and I think we could use more of that attitude and those values in Mooseville."

Not everyone is excited about Mini Moose's political ambitions. Although things have been quiet recently, many residents haven't forgotten the decisions Mini Moose made while the Mayor was away on sabbatical earlier this year.

"She outlawed coconut," said Anita Pepper, Mooseville Café chef. "There were plenty of unhappy people in Mooseville that week, and it cost my business a lot of money, to boot."

When asked about her erratic and impulsive decision-making skills, Posed said that Mini Moose was too busy campaigning to answer any immediate questions.

Increased traffic, education, and redrawing Mooseville district lines to include Instagram have all been major issues discussed this election year.

"It's not easy running Mooseville," the Mayor said. "Two weeks ago something went wrong and our Twitter community wasn't getting posts in a timely manner. It took some un-linking and re-linking, but we finally got it squared away. I seriously doubt my opponent would know what to do in that situation."

When asked why voters should vote for her, the Mayor was elusive but passionate.

"I'm running for re-election because I love Mooseville," the Mayor said. "And my four-point plan will ensure that we continue to grow and that the great people of Mooseville will continue to prosper."

Whether she's re-elected or Moosevillians give the opposition a shot instead, the Mayor says what's important is the voting process.

"There's nothing more patriotic, more empowering, or more important than exercising your right to vote," the Mayor says. "I'm hoping for 100% turnout come Nov. 6."
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Mayor Arrested For Breaking Own Law

9/3/2011

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Just days after the Mayor of Mooseville passed the No Texting While Driving Law, she was pulled over and arrested for texting while driving down Moose Street.

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New York Approves Gay Marriage

6/25/2011

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New York became the sixth state to approve same sex marriage last night.

"Although same sex marriage has been legal in Mooseville since the late 90s, we're glad to see the rest of the country is finally coming around," said the Mayor of Mooseville. "We've always prided ourselves on being ahead of the curve."

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo signed the bill into law at 11:15 Friday night after the GOP-controlled senate voted 33-29 in favor of the bill. The law will take effect July 24, 2011.

"I'm proud New York is now on board," said Felicia Peacock, owner of Peacock's Paintball Paradise and former New York City resident. "It's only a matter of time before gay couples all over the country are allowed to experience the same misery heterosexual couples do."

New York is the largest state to approve same sex marriage. New York Republican Roy McDonald said this about his decision, "Fuck it, I don't care what you think. I'm trying to do the right thing."

Hopefully more senators will take on McDonald's attitude in the future and more states will realize what Mooseville has known all along: if someone's crazy enough to want to get married, the only sane thing to do is let them.
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Media Gets the Chance to Say Weiner

6/7/2011

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Representative for New York's 9th congressional district, Anthony Weiner (D) has given the media plenty of opportunities to say the word "weiner" in their broadcasts this week.

On May 27, via his Twitter account, Weiner sent a picture of himself in gray boxers to a 21 year-old woman in Seattle. Since, the media has had a field day creating "Weiner Scandal" graphics and incorporating the term as much as possible in their coverage of what is now being called "Weinergate."

After first denying sending the tweet, stating that his account had been hacked, Rep. Weiner held a press conference Monday and admitted that he did in fact send the picture, and that he had been sexting six women over the past three years.

Despite being a complete moron for not considering the permanency and pass-along values of the internet nor considering the irony of his name, Weiner said that he did not intend on resigning.

Weiner's fate still remains up for grabs. In the meantime, journalists around the country will continue to crack jokes during commercial breaks and in break rooms, making it difficult for them to keep a straight face while on air. Who wouldn't laugh while reading "Weiner found himself in a hard spot again today" on a teleprompter?







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